That thing they say about changing in your 20s seems to be true.
I feel so different than that girl on the cruise or in that relationship; I feel so far from my wild and impulsive times with Sean; I can't remember not going to work or going to the gym and just partying like in college.
But I see it in the small ways I interact too.
I"m a quieter professional, not as silly, or immediately outgoing - much more careful while I feel my bearings.
I am competitive and maybe even athletic, maybe even not afraid to do competitions or try new sports. But I especially I realize I find passion in high intensity sports like weight lifting and boxing and dancing. Maybe I'm more fit than I know.
I am responsible in some ways but of course still lazy. Being able to stay sober or manage projects or engage with important stakeholders.
What I want has changed: I'm looking for someone who can accept my highly developed and intuitive emotional self. I love looking at and playing with babies.
I look good in glasses. Maybe even play up the glasses, hipster, librarian look.
I am less afraid to pick up and go. I am more afraid of scary things like cancer and death and accidents.
I have learned how to train my body. My writing style is evolving - some ways learning the new concepts of news writing, some ways forgetting my free form stream of consciousness.
I question every connection to Dan and have put enough distance that in some ways he is just an idea.
I spend way too much time looking at screens.
I know how to handle myself when all things go wrong. when being polite is proper.
I am feisty and aggressive and angry in ways I have forgotten.
I realize I have been highly emotional my whole life and that my biggest trait has alwayas been empathy and being very aware of what others were thinking and feeling - especially of me.
I am trying to put one finger on my dreams at a time.
I am 24 and maturing -- finally. Instead of being 21 going on 18.
I am strong. I can be strong. I will be strong.